Late Night Thoughts.

I want to show you something.

The first picture is from four years ago. The second one is me now. If you just look at them side by side, you might think I haven't made much progress. Physically, I honestly don't look stronger. If anything, I look nothing like the woman in that first picture.

And it's funny, because that's exactly how we judge our journeys, especially when it comes to fitness. We look at the picture. We look at how our body looks, and we decide whether we're winning or losing based on that.

But nobody sees what happened in between.

Fitness has been a huge part of my life since 2019. I love lifting. I love working out. Four years ago, when I was in that kind of shape, it was easy for me to focus on my health. But I was nowhere near as strong mentally and emotionally as I am right now.

Fast forward four years. So many injuries later. So many struggles later. So many hospital visits later. So many ups and downs in life later. And here I am. I've only just started going back to the gym.

Who I am has completely changed in the last four years. People don't see that, but I see it.

My faith, my trust in my Lord, my career, my maturity, my life goals, who I am as a person. All of it has grown and changed and evolved. And I am so proud of the woman I am today, even though I look nothing like the woman I was.

The best way I can explain it is with a graph. Picture two lines. Four years ago, my physical strength was way up there, but my mental and emotional strength was down low. Today, my physical strength might be lower than it was, but my mental and emotional strength is so much higher. The lines crossed somewhere along the way, and I didn't even notice it happening.

Physical strengthMental and emotional strength

So sometimes who we are is way beyond what the picture shows. Who we are as a person is the whole thing, not just the part you can see in a mirror selfie.

And honestly, this goes so far beyond fitness. It's the same with our special needs journeys. So many of us look at our past and see who we were, and who we've lost. But we don't see who we have become, and everything we've gained along the way.

If you weighed who you are against who you were, I bet the scale would tip. You are so strong.

Please don't let a picture tell you a story it can't actually see. Not about me, not about the mom next to you at pickup, and definitely not about yourself. You might be so much stronger than you look. You might be stronger than you've ever been.

With love, Nazia

I have some good news, and I have the craziest story to go with it, so get comfortable.

We got approved for private duty nursing for my son. If you've ever tried to get private duty nursing, you already know what that sentence means. It was hard. Honestly, it was so hard that there were moments it felt almost impossible. We still have to actually staff his nurses, so we're not all the way there yet. But we got the yes, and I want to tell you how it happened, because I still can't quite believe it.

Several months ago, my older sister told me about her hairdresser. I had been trying to get an appointment with this lady for a very long time, and I finally managed to get in. And bless her heart, she did an amazing job on my hair. There was a little bit of a language barrier between us, but she kept talking with me the whole time anyway, and it was the sweetest thing. Somehow, through all of it, I ended up telling her about my son and his disability.

I could tell she was a faithful lady, and just so kind. She told me about one of her other clients who had started an agency and had a son like mine. Honestly, I didn't understand a whole lot of what she was telling me. I just remember her saying she would give my information to this client so she could reach out to me. And she was so adamant about it. She actually texted her right there in front of me.

I remember thinking, okay, that's sweet, it's fine, whatever. I didn't make much of it. In my head it was probably just some agency, and I'd told my whole story to so many agencies before.

Fast forward three or four months. I had completely forgotten about the haircut and about this client. It's the day before I'm leaving on a very random trip to Canada, and I'm at work trying to finish everything before I go, and my phone rings. It's her. I answer, and I promise her I'll call her back.

And then I go to Canada, I come back, and I completely forget. Of course I do.

When I finally called her back, we ended up talking for two hours. It turns out this incredible woman is also a special needs mom, and she even comes from the oil and gas world like I do. She started a home health agency that she truly believes in. I told her my whole entire life story on that call. And at the end of it she said to me, "Nazia, we will do this. We're going to get through this. We are going to find a way."

And for some reason, I believed her.

Fast forward a couple of months, and we did it. We actually did it.

Nothing is impossible. The impossible just takes longer.

I really believe that. You have to have the mentality of never giving up. You keep moving, and when something doesn't work, you pivot. Then you keep moving again, and you pivot again. Move and pivot, move and pivot. And somewhere along the way you realize how much strength there is in simply not quitting. It honestly makes you feel almost invincible.

I want to be careful with that word, because I don't mean it in a way where I think so highly of myself. I mean it because I have faith in God, and I know that through Him I can accomplish whatever I truly put my mind to.

Think about it. A haircut I had been trying to book for ages. A hairdresser who wouldn't let it go. A phone call I almost never returned. I didn't plan any of that. We have a very loving and merciful Allah, and I'm learning more and more that He has created so many avenues for us. Sometimes they show up in the most unexpected places, even a salon chair.

So if you're in the middle of your own impossible thing tonight, whether it's a denial letter, a waitlist, or a school that keeps saying no, please don't put it down just yet. Pivot if you need to. Rest if you need to. Tell your story to the people around you, even when it feels pointless. You never know who is listening. Keep going. It might just take longer.

Next time, I'll share what I learned through this whole process, and I'll introduce you to this home health agency and the amazing mom behind it.

With love, Nazia